On Losing Direction

Photo by Himesh Kumar Behera on Unsplash

To 'lose direction' can literally mean just that. You are going somewhere, in a particular direction, let's say, south for example. Suddenly, you're not sure which way is up, your internal compass is on the fritz, your phone is out of batteries (hence no sat nav) and you didn’t bring a map...you are lost. So you ask a friendly looking stranger, which way is south '.....' street, and they point you in the right direction (hopefully) and if not, you buy a map at the gas station and your problem is solved. It really is as easy as that. With maps and compasses and sat navs at our disposal, it's rather difficult to get lost these days. However, metaphorically speaking, it's rather easy to get lost, to lose one's self, to lose direction, to get stuck.

Where am I heading? What is the plan for my life? What career? What person? What will generate meaning? From a young age there is a lot of pressure to choose a direction and stick with it. That is the root of success we are told. Everyone has a purpose, you just need to find yours. And yet, I for one often feel as if I chose a path just to prove I could, because that was what was expected of me, because successful people know where they are going. They don't lose direction, they FIND direction. They are the compass masters, they are the superheros of direction. I know a few of those types. And, truth be told, they are indeed successful.

I guess you could say I was lucky, I had a lot of options, it was hard to decide, so I circled my finger in the air, closed my eyes, and BANG, the first place my finger landed, that was where I headed. I wanted to be able say, yes, THIS is it, I am on the right path, I am going in the right direction, yes sir, I'm on track. I'm just like everyone else, I'm grown up, I'm a compass master, wow, look at me!

And yet, I can't shake this nagging feeling that the road I'm on is just that, a road. No better or worse than any other. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's nice and all. The view's not too bad. Which is a decidedly GOOD thing, since I drive this particular route pretty regularly. I'm intimate with the landscape, comfortable with its contours, like an old shoe, and yet, something keeps tugging at me, wait, what about THAT road, THAT one looks nice, THAT one looks different. So, I veer off my path and head down a new road, until I run out of gas. Then I have to run back to the old road in the wet and cold to fill up an old gas can, and part of me resents that I have to go back. But, but... I know exactly where all the gas stations are on this old road, and I can drive it with my eyes closed. Maybe, just maybe it's not so bad. So, here I am, back where I started, wanting to get lost, wanting to try something new, wanting to go walk about, and yet a little nervous about running out of gas.

Change, Trains & Flywheels

Photo by Jake Sloop on Unsplash

A friend of mine is an engineer. Let's call him Sam. Somewhere in the bowels of Sam's current work place, is on old steam engine. Obviously, this steam engine is pretty heavy, it is not made of feathers and it is not easy to move. I know, because Sam tried. He pushed it with all the force he could muster but...no movement. Then, one day, Sam decided to lean against the train for a while and...lo and behold...it began to roll. Thankfully the wheels were braced, otherwise that old steam engine woulda rolled right outa that place with Sam clinging on to the rear. Anyway, get to the point you say, what does this have to do with change?

As any therapist worth their salt will tell you, the pace of change for most folks is pretty slow. We loop through unsuccessful patterns over and over, we get stuck in ruts, we engage in self defeating behaviour because 'that's just the way we are'. Sometimes we are aware we are doing these things, and sometimes we are not. Like Sam's train, it's pretty difficult to get people to change or move forward by just pushing (unless you give them an almighty HUGE push equivalent to a speeding train). Major life events like deaths, births and break-ups are the psychological equivalents of speeding trains. Of course, change is still possible without these events. But in this instance, a more effective strategy is to adopt the metaphorical lean, it might take a while, but eventually, it will get the job done.

So, what does this have to do with flywheels you say? Other than rhyming (sort off...) with automobiles (you know, as in Planes, Trains and....erm, yeah, I'm a genius).

A flywheel is a mechanical device that uses a significant moment of inertia for rotational energy. A moment of inertia is a measure of an object's resistance to changes in its rotation. Flywheels resist changes in their rotational speed to help steady their rotation. To put it more simply, flywheels, like people, resist change to remain steady. Because, let's face it, change is hard. It is the opposite of steady, it rocks the boat, it capsizes us, it sends us hurtling forward, or backward or sideways into new and uncharted territories. And yet, change is essential and unavoidable. So, have patience with yourself and others when attempting to change internal or external states. And resist the temptation to push too hard, as this will often have the opposite effect.

The Optimism Bias

I've been reading a book called 'The Optimism Bias' by Tali Sharot. In a nutshell, the premise of the book is that people tend to have a cognitive bias towards optimism, and that this bias has been naturally selected for because it helps us to get things done, to move forward, to procreate. The reality is, most of our futures will be filled with a mix of negative, positive and neutral experiences. And yet, most people imagine their futures to be much rosier than they will turn out to be. Those of us who view the world more realistically are said to be mildly depressed. As I've said elsewhere in this blog, a little positive thinking is surely a good thing, and numerous studies have shown that a positive view of the future can and often does become a self fulfilling prophecy.

And yet, it seems to me, that a little depressive realism can be a useful thing. Perhaps, if a few more finance wizards and government officials saw the glass for what it actually was (sometimes half full, sometimes half empty, sometimes on the swift path to empty because its been spotted by a very thirsty giant...) many of the pickles we, as a society, currently find ourselves in, might have been avoided.

The reality is, things don't always turn out well. People get sick, people die, markets fail, buildings fall, the earth shifts, divorces happen. The oddest thing, is that people are quick to accept that bad things do and will happen to others, and yet, we rarely imagine a future for ourselves with difficult things in it. In our own projected futures, we win Oscars, we get rich, we have perfect marriages and angelic children. This is of course, a mathematical and logical fallacy. Who are the people bad things are happening to if not us? Are we not the people?

Nevertheless, the optimism bias remains firmly in place for most of us, because to see the world as it really is: i.e. a slow (or swift) march to death with pleasures and pitfalls and boring bits, just isn't that much fun. And let's face it, if our past and our futures are ultimately stories we tell ourselves, we might as well accentuate the positive, cut out the dull parts, and write ourselves a good old fashioned Hollywood ending.